UNDERSTANDING BOUNDARIES

Have you ever felt that you were always doing, doing, doing for others and getting nothing back in return?

Have you ever extended yourself beyond your limits

to help someone else?

Do you find you are arguing more in relationships?

One key to our own self care and healthy relationships

is to explore our boundaries.

WHAT ARE BOUNDARIES?

Boundaries are that invisible line between self and others. It is where you stop and the other begins. It is not rigid but moves with flexibility. It requires attention, communication and changes over time.

When our boundaries are unclear, too rigid or have been flexed too far we can be left feeling resentful, anxious, worried, tired, sick and fearful. We can fall into a pattern of CONTROL and feel like we are taking on the responsibility (I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR) of others we love. We start to hyper focus on circumstances, answers, problems, solutions, details, performance and being right. We find ourselves wanting to fix, rescue, protect, control, take on feelings of others. Often finding the result, despite good intention, is that we stop listening.

We can fall into a pattern of manipulation. We start manipulating feelings, people and try to manipulate outcomes. We begin to expect others to live up to our expectations and fall into a pattern of care taking.

If we can shift our focus back just a little at a time to our self we can explore setting healthy boundaries. Instead of trying to CONTROL we can CARE in our relationships. (Which is often our intention). When we shift and recognize that I am NOT responsible FOR others in my life though I am responsible TO them our focus shifts and our boundaries start to become clear. We can shift our focus away from answers, problems, solutions, details etc. to relating to the person one to one. Focusing on their feelings and struggles and start opening up our minds to listen with attention rather than intention. We show empathy. We share compassion. We encourage one another. We share, confront issues with a level head and an open heart and communicate with each other.

We can then begin to relax. Anxiety, fear and exhaustion begin to lift. We begin to recognize the importance of taking care of self first.

Remember that pre-flight safety drill on your last vacation and put your oxygen mask on first.

This is not an easy shift and requires intention, attention, communication and focus.

Written & Provided by CW Psychotherapy Services ©

5063 North Service Road, Burlington, ON L7L 5H6

P: 905-870-3885 E: carriewoodcocktherapy@gmail.com